爱。离别

因为互相吸引而相爱。因相爱而了解。因了解而分开。

filial and freedom

I don't understand anymore...

What is being filial? Kowtow to everything? Do as they pleased?

Than what is personal freedom and space? What is own thought?

Something that's so scarce that I thirst for...



Nichole

Confide

When you ask if you can confide to me, I was thinking otherwise....

True enough, I wasn't in the right mind...




Nichole

Chaperone

Chaperone.

I'm so tired of being one.

Is it wrong for me to not feel belonging anymore? Not belonging to something that I once thought I'll own. The desire of moving on is so strong. But where can I lodge?

Where is the world I wholly reside? I wholly belong and own...

Chaperone... And I shall continue to be... Until I found what I wholly belong...




Nichole

Dream...

I have a dream. But will I live the dream that I dreamt.

Pisces, the dreamer.

It's supposed to have an exciting chemistry. But where it went.
Where's the excitement and desire once appeared so fiercely?

Dream... Its just a dream at the end of the day...




Nichole

傻

如果爱一个人会变傻，值得吗？
那你又会愿意为我而变傻吗？
我值得吗？




Nichole

幸福

与快乐。。。


原来是很短暂的。。。

珍惜吧




Nichole

Just Friend

I've read this book call 'Just Friend'.

I've watch this good movie call 'Just Friend'.

Although both medium with the same title has totally different story plot, but the message sent is the same.

Ie, best friend/good friend/close friend always end up to be your soul mate.

However, I read this biography of someone, he once said, being a good friend can never emerge out of the friend zone and be the soul mate. I wholly agree with him. Knowing someone too well diminished all the surprises one will get; Knowing someone too well caused awkwardness; And most of all, knowing someone too well, white lies/compliment/sweet talk never works.

Personally, I will not want to have my best/close/good friend to be my significant other half. 

I strongly believe that encountering someone that wanting to know you and date you is the essence of meeting someone right. Only realizing that you had fall for someone after knowing him/her for a century, is idiotic. 

Some real life examples, LK, LM and myself.

LK and Peter met at a friend's party. From the very first day he contacted LK, he drew the line and giving hint that he wanted to date her. Look how everything turns out. Happily married and expecting.

LM. Knowing him too well end up knowing all his stuff including something she shouldn't know.

Myself. I got so freaking boring when I'm with him. There are nothing for me to find out. There are nothing to talk to him because I know almost everything as he does.

So, I hereby conclude, significant other half will appear as a stranger when you first met him and eventually, with the help of fate, he will make an effort to be your significant other half.


 Nichole

Past, Present and Future

Will you judge me? For I had a past.

Will you still judge me? For I have unclear future.

Will you judge me for my present encounter? For I have no ability to turn back time or make things better.

Will you judge me for my cowardice? Will you judge me for my imperfection?

But who are you to judge? Who are we to judge?


Signing off,
Nichole

Cliff

Just when I'm on the edge of the cliff. You gave me hope. You give me a robe to hold on to. And just when I thought you're my saviour, you pushes me down. With the robe tied on me.

No doubt I am safe. But I wouldn't have fell if wasn't for you. And yet, I still have to smile and say thank you.

You taught me how to believe. And you tear my trust. Then you came back as a support again.

I'm confused. I build my shield. But I'm taking it down for you. I'm confused.

If I could turn back time. If I could leave myself out of all this. If......

If....


Nichole Xx

Staying Strong

As life move on, I got to stay strong. No matter how much obstacles I face. No matter how hard I fell. No matter how bad it turn.

I got to stay strong. For not only myself. But for my family. My love ones. My friends.

Because they care.

And therefore, I got to stay strong. Regardless how weak I am deep down inside.

I got to stay strong.... For the future...


Nichole Xx

Serene

That serene your dogs give you when you hug them. It's irreplaceable. They just touch your heart and soul by being there for you whenever you needed company.

Nichole Xx

Sarcasm

As I drive out from the drive way, stepping on the accelerator, something familiar creeps up my spine. 

Little did I know, I'm drifting passed vehicles after vehicles. Annoyance boiling. Anger raising. Patience grinding.

As I arrived at my destiny, I realized, the fast and furious in me is trying to re-visit me, again. I have been suppressing her for years now. And I bet she had enough and wanting to explode and eats up my patience and calm. 

I put on my earphone to my MP3, without realizing, I'm drowning in the loud and overwhelming beats. Adrenaline oozing all over my body. I ran on full speed on the treadmill for a good 20 minutes, without panting. Having the volume on maximum, I welcome that wilder side of inner me. Memories of my young and dangerous days forms into a river of films.

I know this feelings. I know this utterly familiar side of myself. That side of me that not many had seen. That side of me who have overflowing confidence of myself. That side of me who don't give a damn how others think of me.

My inner self reminding me how much I've changed for that one person. Just to tolerate and please that one person. Controlling my thought and quashing my confidence. And all these inner me are creeping out from the caged I build years ago. 

Having crushed on the floor after adrenaline left, I felt calmer. And stronger. It must be the stress, I tell myself. But the inner me confiding that I'm done with this. This is not how I was. Not this timid and coward. 

Gulping down my glass of vodka, it ease my pain of all this creeping overflowing emotions. I need a nap. But the nap wakes me from the misery. I need to welcome that young and dangerous side of myself, again. I need to be myself again. 

And I first start with my good old friend, sarcasm. On a detour, I'm releasing and welcoming flirtatious me as well ;)

Nichole  Xx

思念

想着你.... 你会知道吗...

Sydney round 2

Yeap, I'm in Sydney again. It look the same to me. In fact, Sydney is yet to charm me enough to like this city. Blah...

Everything is expensive here. I just don't get it!!! It's the same item but Melbourne selling it for 2 dollar cheaper!!!

Oh well, the least I can say is the Opera House is a breathtaking work of architecture.

And the people here are so rude!!!
We were just merely asking for direction, the lady shoo us out of the shop. Tsk tsk Tsk...

Oh well, thank god I'm just here for3 days. Or I might go crazy.

Till then.



Love,
Nichole

命运

每个人都有不一样的命运。无论如何努力改变或进步，为了打动别人或证明自己，有时也没用。因为命运。惟有认命吧。

诺有那一天我能再重写我的命运，我一定不会让我再次地伤心。

人真的能那么自私吗？

An afternoon with the Book

I always take back what I've said or commented. However, there is one thing, till now, I never want to doubt my saying.

Guy who reads in a cafe is awfully attractive.

So, I was reading in Starbucks, and I saw this guy reading. He is not good looking but decent. But the aura he gave out and the energy he portrait when he's reading, charming.

Okay, that's not what I wanted to say in this post. What I wanted to say is, I was reading a book that I took from lK 2 years back (yea, finally get to read it!!), I saw some writing on one of the blank page, apparently that book is LK's 21st present from one of her close friend. Then it strike me that I want a good book for my birthday too!!! A gift of knowledge is so much better than clothes or food voucher or things like that. You know what I mean.

So dear friends, I would like to make an early request here, can you please get me a good book for my birthday next year? Please and thank you.

Till then, I shall sign off and continue with my reading.

Lots of love,
Nichole

Batman

So it turn out the movie wasn't too bad. In fact it's really good!! At least I did not fall sleep.

Special You

----
Quote of the Day:
Perfect people aren't real, and real people aren't perfect. So you can either love people for their flaws, or hate them because they're real
----

I realized, every girl is the same regardless how 'special' you claim to be. It's just in our blood to be like this. Like it or not, deal with it.


Love,
Nichole

Surprises

-------
Song of the day:

-----


From the day I truly aware of things around me, I was never surprised by any surprises thrown by friends, not to mention by my another half. I never received flowers or gift delivered to me out of the blue (except from family members). I get disappointment more than surprises. Never had surprise birthday party. Never had surprise moments.

As time passed, I trend to lose faith. I stop expecting. I stop waiting for surprises. I stop dreaming. I stop believing in miracle. I stop believing in luck. I stop believing.

This year's birthday, I decided to not celebrate. I removed my birth date from all the social network. I did not make any plans. I did not tell anyone. As expected, only a handful remember. My best friend scolded me for being so silly. He says that I'm creating my own sadness. He was right, I am the culprit of my own depression. But I have really lose all my faith.

So I starting to keep my distance, build a wall within things and people I like. To protect myself. To keep myself away from more disappointment.

I start doing things I like. Doing things for myself. Buying things that no one will ever buy for me. Treating myself to good lunch. All by myself. Slowly, I became a loner.

But I wasn't sour. I always hope people around me to be happy. I always do things and help out people around me. Give advises consoling, encouragement, offering help, etc. And I wasn't hoping for any return. At least I know my friends will be fine, regardless they remembers me or not.

I may sound silly, but I have really lose faith in people.

May be I will find that faith again. May be someone will build that faith for me again. But for now, I've lost all my faith. I do not stand an important position in their heart. So let me be the one who carry their heart, with care.



Love,
Nichole