Sarcasm

As I drive out from the drive way, stepping on the accelerator, something familiar creeps up my spine. 

Little did I know, I'm drifting passed vehicles after vehicles. Annoyance boiling. Anger raising. Patience grinding.

As I arrived at my destiny, I realized, the fast and furious in me is trying to re-visit me, again. I have been suppressing her for years now. And I bet she had enough and wanting to explode and eats up my patience and calm. 

I put on my earphone to my MP3, without realizing, I'm drowning in the loud and overwhelming beats. Adrenaline oozing all over my body. I ran on full speed on the treadmill for a good 20 minutes, without panting. Having the volume on maximum, I welcome that wilder side of inner me. Memories of my young and dangerous days forms into a river of films.

I know this feelings. I know this utterly familiar side of myself. That side of me that not many had seen. That side of me who have overflowing confidence of myself. That side of me who don't give a damn how others think of me.

My inner self reminding me how much I've changed for that one person. Just to tolerate and please that one person. Controlling my thought and quashing my confidence. And all these inner me are creeping out from the caged I build years ago. 

Having crushed on the floor after adrenaline left, I felt calmer. And stronger. It must be the stress, I tell myself. But the inner me confiding that I'm done with this. This is not how I was. Not this timid and coward. 

Gulping down my glass of vodka, it ease my pain of all this creeping overflowing emotions. I need a nap. But the nap wakes me from the misery. I need to welcome that young and dangerous side of myself, again. I need to be myself again. 

And I first start with my good old friend, sarcasm. On a detour, I'm releasing and welcoming flirtatious me as well ;)

Nichole  Xx